Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Cover Your Randomness

Some guy in Dallas wants the local council to make baggy pants illegal. There's no need to be that drastic. But I would like to see the world a prettier place; one where I can walk down the street and not know for sure if the guy in front of me is a boxers or briefs kind of man.

I shall break the silence of women and let the guys of the world in on our secret.

Baggy pants that hang down and show off the type and color of your underwear will not get you laid.

There it is: if you want to get the woman, pull up your pants. Better yet, get a better fitting pair.

I have been privy to a number of conversations among men. They talk about being 'breast men' or 'leg men', or even that a woman with plenty of 'junk in the trunk' is attractive. They have discussed the merits and demerits of assorted feminine body parts on various scales. The gist of most of these discussions has been about how attractive women are when they display their better qualities; that these men are more likely to date a woman who dresses to impress.

What makes guys believe that women think any differently?

If you want a woman to find you attractive, baggy pants are not the option. Oh, sure, your girlfriend may say that the fashion looks good on you, but what she's really doing is protecting her investment -- she doesn't want other women to be checking out what the baggy pants are hiding: Your derriere.

That's right, tush, bottom, buns, fanny, backside: your ass. The part of your body that you are so successfully disguising as a body lump that is barely capable of holding your pants up.

So, here's the real secret: a cute man is nice, a nice personality is good, but the first thing women check out is the derriere. If you think about it, you'll know why.

If you still need help, answer this question: What is the muscle that is used the most in the act of, well, let's just call it the horizontal tango? Yeah, that's right, the tushy. Women, when inspecting a man as a potential partner, look to the best indicator of a man's prowess and stamina. If you're hiding it or worse, making it look as if you have no ass to begin with, then you are not going to pass that inspection. You'll be left wondering why you didn't get the girl, and she'll move on to the guy who knows how to highlight his assets.

But what do I know; I'm just a woman who's trying to make the world a better place, one pair of pants at a time.
Photo credit: http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/pictures/galleries/newsid_2012000/2012747.stm

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Or what about women who wear hiphugging jeans with the elastic top of a thong exposed? Yeeeewww!